Too straight to be gay, too gay to be straight.
Bierasure was a term I wasn't particularly familiar with before I came out as bi myself. After that, I realised it was something I was doing to myself for the last 20-something years of my life.
I always thought that 'everyone was a little bit gay,' and had a vague disbelief in complete heterosexuality. I even once described myself as '80% straight' in my early twenties. Still didn't clue on somehow.
I think deep down, subconsciously, I didn't think I was gay enough or even bi enough to feel part of the LQTBQIA+ community. Add a sprinkle of religious brainwashing in there, and you've got straight (or not) up denial for 27 years.
I was always a strong ally, a pretty typical story in hindsight. I am largely opposed to the settle down and get married narrative, something I am just now at this very moment realising might be linked to a fundamental opposition to a 'typical' life I perceive to be a kind of hetero norm.
I think some people perceive the rainbow community's penchant for flags and merch and the like as 'shoving it in the faces' of the straights. But for me, it's about expressing a part of myself that's not usually visible.
My relationship presents me as straight. I use the bi or rainbow flags as markers, or signals to others. I want people to know this part of me without having to figure out a way to casually drop it in conversation.
Multi-gender attraction is a hard one to openly present. But it's vitally important to me that I do. I need to do it for the 27 years I spent not understanding. I want to do it for other people who might relate to my experience.
Homophobia is still rife, but for the most part, people understand homosexuality. But add another element, and a lot of people are lost. Society doesn't get bisexuality. We aren't represented in much media, and certainly not very often in a genuine way.
My favourite phrase around sexuality is
'if you're not straight, you're not straight.'
If you don't feel straight, you probably aren't, and you are welcome in the rainbow community. You are valid. And this month, as well as every month, you should be proud.