• Cheek

The best 18 items on the McDonald's menu, ranked

I think we can agree, Maccas does not need a preface, no clickbait required nor suspense built. Starting with the big guns, let's get straight to number one.

1. THE chicken McNugget

It cannot be beaten. Vegans cave for a single nugget (our CEO is our only proof to substantiate this claim). I would give up sex for a lifetime supply of these misshapen parcels of pure ecstasy.

2. M&M McFlurry

A controversial runner-up, the M&M McFluzza is a crowd favourite, a tale as old as time. The rainbow swirl, the cold crunch and the overpriced soft serve are a Maccas staple.

Image: Unsplash

3. The humble Maccas fry

Now, now, now, I personally prefer the KFC style of fry and the thicker, soggier approach BUT McDonald’s has always been in a potatoe-y league of it’s own. The only French fry I genuinely enjoy, it truly transcends the chip competition and retains a dignified place in history.

4. Big Mac

An icon. A Hungry Jack’s lawsuit for fuck sake. Perhaps one of the most recognised burgers in the history of fast food. Personally, I don’t care for it, but I understand it’s place and role for old Ronald.

5. Triple Cheeseburger

I love you, cheap cheeseyburg. Your layers define you, your love knows no bounds. No onions and extra pickles please.

6. Frozen Coke

$1. Machine always broken. An iconic stop on your way home from school.

7. Hotcakes

The only breakfast item I enjoy, the whipped butter and bucket of syrup provided with this dish of fun defined my mornings on traumatic family road trips and after an early game of netball.

8. Hot Fudge Sundae

Only to be enjoyed in a LARGE size. Strawberry can die.

Image: McDonald's

9. Hash Brown

With an orange juice or added onto a cheeseburger, the hash brown is a cheap and easy craving fulfilled. An all-day bang for your buck item, it’s something Maccas ALWAYS nails.

10. Double Beef and Bacon Burger

Add a chicken patty to this baddie and it sails straight to spot #4 on the list.

11. Oreo McFluzza

The clear loser in the McFlurry race, the Oreo is a fan favourite but falls short in the texture department. Oreos are not a punchy chocolate flavour and I refuse to market this powdery ice-cream as the better dessert.

12. Mighty McMuffin

The McMuffin range is pricey, sending it well outside the top ten. However, the flavour and sheer juice and substance of this brekky delight is the perfect hungover drive-thru move on your way to an early shift.

13. McChicken

This is only here because my boyfriend started crying as he refuses to believe a hash brown is better than this burg. However, the lettuce at Maccas is often questionable and thus the consistency of my experiences with this burg limit it’s capacity to break into the top ten.

14. Chicken ‘n’ Cheese

The best value burger on the menu, a chicken and cheese is like morning sex. Quick, cheap and satisfying. When you get it, flip the patty. It distributes the mayo perfectly for a creamier and safer eating experience.

Image: McDonald's

15. Gravy Loaded Fries

When they gave you two forks!! Hehe! What a joke!!!! It’s all for me buddy.

Additional comment: FUCK THE TRUFFLE MAYO FRIES. Disgoostin.

Image: studentedge.org

16. Strawberry Shake

Thick, creamy, milky, toilet inducing, lovely.

17. Quarter Pounder

I’d definitely go a cheeseburger over a quarty any day but it deserves a place in this ranking.

18. Hot Apple Pie

A cheap favourite, this winter warmer was always great post Tuesday night sport training or after you found out Santa wasn’t real.